November 5, 2009

November 3, 2009

The NY Times Blows Coverage of the Mayor's Race on Election Night; Fitting that They Embarrass Themselves Reporting on this Embarrassing Election

A cynical, mercenary, demagogic press will in time produce a people as base as itself.
- Joseph Pulitzer

The New York Times flat out blew their coverage of the mayor's race. Check out these screen shots from election night as the Times scrambles to recover from a combination of bad polling data and over zealously biased reporting:

At 9:54, the NY Times reports that Bloomberg has "decisively defeated" Thompson:

At 9:58 pm, they remove "decisively" and downgrade to simply, "defeated:"

At 10:15 the "win" becomes "projected to win," and the defeat is now "based on early returns and exit polls":

At 10:54 pm, the mayor now "appears to prevail," and the headline and story are bumped down a section:

The New York Times has been in Bloomberg's pocket since he first looked at extending term limits in August 2008, so it isn't surprising that they were a little over anxious to call the election for him so quickly in '09. They essentially called it for Bloomberg in September 2008 when they backed his scheme for a third term (interestingly, when a mayor they were not quite as fond of--Giuliani--wanted to extend term limits during other challenging times--9/11, their editorial page came out firmly against extending his term). 

Check out the impartial web page for the Times' endorsement of Bloomberg:

October 26, 2009

Bloomberg Concerned About Democracy Because of Low Turnout in the Democratic Primary; Officially Vaults from "Asshole" Status to "Roaring Asshole"

Of all the disingenuous things Bloomberg has uttered during this campaign, this might be the worst. He actually had the balls to bemoan the state of democracy in New York City because of the record low turnout during the democratic mayoral primary in September:

"It's sad, there are young men and women for 235 years who have been fighting and dying so that we have the right to vote, and yet you saw in the Democratic primary, especially in the runoff a very low turnout."

What a dick. A major component of his campaign strategy was to use his power and billions to scare away democratic challengers with a goal of keeping the voters uninterested, and ensuring low turnout. This is what a lying sack of shit our mayor has become. If he hadn't extended term limits the democratic primary would have been a blast with four or five legitimate contenders and strong voter turnout. Instead, we had our democracy turned inside out and stunted by a despotic, sleazy bully.

October 19, 2009

Rudy Giuliani Campaigns for Bloomberg; Scares the Bejeezits Out of Everyone; Leaves NYC with a Collective Skid Mark in its Shorts

Rudy Giuliani was in town stumping for Bloomberg, scaring the Jews, fanning racial tensions...the usual. I have to feel that for each Republican vote Giuliani produces for Bloomberg, five Democrats will run the the polling booth in horror at the slightest hint of the return of Rudy Giuliani (how about a year of Bloomberg using his bully pulpit to get Giuliani elected governor). Any Democrat who votes for Bloomberg will be enabling Giuliani's bid for governor. REPEAT: ANY DEMOCRAT WHO VOTES FOR BLOOMBERG WILL BE ENABLING GIULIANI'S BID FOR GOVERNOR.

But if Giuliani is right, then this video is a good representation of what we can expect in post-Bloomberg New York City.


October 16, 2009

Mayor Bristles at Suggestion He's Using Office to Influence Election; Declares November 2nd "Be Grateful We're Not Under Terrorist Attack" Day

Incumbent candidates are often accused of using their offices as a campaign tool, and Mayor Michael Bloomberg is no exception. From endorsements and photo-ops with Bono and Bette Midler, to orchestrating gun sale stings in Ohio, the Mayor's schedule is packed with events and initiatives that many would say are simply dressed-up campaign events.

While simultaneously denying that he would ever use his office for campaign politics, the Mayor's office recently unveiled a series of new commemorative "theme" days planned to debut right before the election. The tone and timing have the Mayor's critics asking questions.

Here are just a few of the "theme" days planned between now and the election:

October 30: "1989 All Over Again" - For one day only, Times Square will be restored to its twenty-year-old level of decay, crime will rise five-fold, and commemorative racial riots will be held in Brooklyn and Queens."

November 2: "Be Grateful We're Not Under Terrorist Attack Day" - The day will be commemorated with 9/11 re-enactments, loud explosions, and emergency medical drills.

November 3: "Anthrax Preparedness Day" - Stay home and tape up your windows.

[This story is satire, and should not in any way be taken as fact]

October 14, 2009

The Thompson-Bloomberg Debate: "Mike Bloomberg Lied to the People of New York City"

There was a surreal moment during the debate when the Mayor honestly, and without cynicism, didn't think that his $200M in donations influenced or bought any support; that most recipients of his largess don't even know where the donation is coming from. And you know I believe that he believes that. He believes his money is pure, that it doesn't "buy votes" and endorsements, or influence people's opinions. Thompson nailed it perfectly when he said it is simply "pay to endorse politics." But Bloomberg is so rich, so revered, so insulated, so detached, that he actually doesn't believe his billions influence the system. It's been so long since he's been on a level playing field his self-perception is that he is always right side up; like assuming that "due north" is always whatever direction you are facing.

Does the issue of term limits trump the Mayor's record? Thompson avoided answering the question, when his answer should have been a resounding, YES. The law trumps, or at least it is supposed to trump, an individual’s record of accomplishment (which is really a matter of opinion and interpretation).

The only time I thought Bloomberg sounded at ease, and fully comfortable in himself, was when he was talking about development and real estate. You could tell that ruminating about large swaths of open Manhattan land gets him off.

Thompson's reply to a question on replacing Ray Kelly, as if replacing a commissioner after eight years is sacrosanct, should have been Bloomberg's own 2002 quote about length of service in government: “There’s no organization that I know that would put somebody in charge for a long period of time. You always want turnover and change. Eight years is great. You learn for four years. You can do for four years." Except for Mike and his team.

Someone in the next debate has to ask Bloomberg why he didn’t hold a public referendum to ask the voters about extending term limits. The voters need to be reminded that he could have asked their opinion, but he chose backroom deals to a public vote.

Bloomberg said “no” when asked if he would seek a fourth term and no one followed up with why we should believe him. On that issue or any other. If he takes the City to the new “level” he envisions, then what could stop him from taking New York to term four, or five, or even Beyond Thunderdome...

October 13, 2009

Christine Quinn Says the "Laws of Our Country Are a Lie" -- Really, Christine? Laws Like the Term Limits Law?

Just a quick note to Christine Quinn on the absolute balls it takes to utter that sentence. No shit, the laws of our country are a lie, and it's because of hack politicians like you and your cronies on the city council who bent over for Mayor Bloomberg in his quest for a third term. The term limits law was just that--a law. Voted into law by the people of New York City on two occasions. And you changed that law without referendum, behind closed doors. Feel disenfranchised by the lawmakers in this country, Christine? Good, because this is exactly how you made a large chunk of New Yorkers feel when you betrayed their trust.

Bloomberg Says Christine Quinn is Not His "Lap Dog" -- He's Right. Sometimes She Stands On All Fours

October 12, 2009

Bloomberg Wants to Eliminate Public Advocate; Says New York City Has An "Aggressive Enough Press"-- He Should Know Since He Bought and Paid for It

How aggressive is the New York press? Right now, most are clamming up for fear that they might be shut out of the city hall loop in the next term. And who can blame them. The "press" were officially bought and paid for in August 2008 when Bloomberg met with Schulzberger (NY Times), Zuckerman (Daily News), and Murdoch (NY Post), promised them whatever he promised them, and got them on board with his term limits scheme. So he has had the three major papers in his pocket for over a year. He has also spent millions on print ads in just about every publication in the five boroughs (funny how many of those little newspapers are endorsing him).

His $80,000,000+ campaign spending is essentially a bribe to New York's political infrastructure--TV and radio stations, websites, newspapers, printers, paper manufacturers, consultants, lawyers, caterers, etc. Everyone has been living high on the Bloomberg hog since the summer. And this is just the above-board money. Who knows how many other millions were spent, and how much influence was exerted, through his foundation, through Bloomberg L.P., in backroom deals in City Hall, in restaurants with political bosses. And no one seems to care.

It appears that the public is about to elect a mayor who wants to eliminate the Public Advocate, who he compares to a "gadfly" (I'm a half a gadfly, and believe me when I say the City needs more than me to protect it from Bloombusconi). I really wonder what has happened to New Yorkers. When did they become so detached and passive? An old woman will trample me to get a fresh bagel in the morning, but a rich bully ignores the people’s vote, buys off the entire City, bends the rules to suit himself, and gets a shrug. It must still be post-traumatic stress from 9/11. I think New Yorkers could care less who's running the city--as long as it's not September 12, 2001. Bloomberg knows it and he’s exploiting it. He recently told the Daily News that the "bottom line is the city is a lot better than it was eight years ago." No shit. Several levels in Dante’s Inferno were "better" than New York was eight years ago.

October 11, 2009

The Mayor Has No Good Way To Answer a Term Limits Question Other Than Snapping at the Reporter or Giving a Nonsensical Answer

Mayor Bloomberg received the endorsement of Miami Mayor Manuel Diaz, and at the press conference a Daily News reporter asked Bloomberg if he was opening himself up to criticism on term limits because of new ads accusing Bill Thompson of changing his mind on several key issues.

Here is Bloomberg's reply:

"I change my mind on a lot of things, but I don't change it because it's good for my campaign or my career. I don't change it because I just want to get some personal advantage."

He's the seventh richest person in America, and he doesn't change his mind if it will help his career or give him personal advantage? My ass, he doesn't. Politically, over the last eight years, he's changed party affiliation from Democrat to Republican to Independent. Bloomberg would have us believe that those decisions had nothing to do with his career or personal advantage, and that the term limits decision was a solely altruistic decision based on the dire predicament of the New York's residents. The mayor is full of shit.

Then he dropped this beauty:

Over a long period of time people always evolve their views."

Obviously, Bloomberg evolution years are equal to dog years. Since taking office in 2002, Bloomberg had been steadfast in his support of term limits. Even in August 2008, when he was positioning himself to overturn the law he had previously
defended with a veto, he still praised term limits: “I have always thought that term limits are a good idea. I’ve said you can debate whether it should be two terms or three terms, but I’ve thought term limits are good.”

Terms limits are good except for him. Period. Oh, and the mayor is full of shit.

Here's video from the press conference:

October 10, 2009

City of Bloombergia (est. 2009)

October 9, 2009

Bloomberg Campaign Picks Up Endorsements from Australian Tennis Legend Roy Emerson, Utah Jazz Forward Matt Harpring, and a Romanian Mayor

Mayor Bloomberg's campaign team announced three more endorsements today, getting them closer to their unofficial goal of 20,000 endorsements by election day. Though some have questioned the relevancy of obscure out-of-town endorsements, the Bloomberg campaign defended these recent additions as proof that the mayor's appeal crosses over all ethnic and demographic lines.

One of today's endorsements came from Antonie Solomon, the Mayor of Craiova in Romania, who said in a prepared statement: "I am pleased to endorse Mr. Bloomberg. And though I have not met him or his people or been to New York, I thank his foundation for its recent contribution to the Craiova Art Museum. We wish him success and hope he visits too."

The Bloomberg campaign dismissed a suggestion that an endorsement from the mayor of a small city on Romania has no bearing on an election in New York, stating that both Mayor Bloomberg and Solomon are in charge of cities with people, buildings, transportation and schools. As for Emerson and Harpring, the spokesman stated that "only a cynic couldn't see the connection between a small forward from Utah, or a tennis great from Australia, and Mayor Bloomberg's vision for New York.

[This story is satire, and should not in any way be taken as fact]

October 4, 2009

Not Satisfied with Curbing Obesity in the City's Human Population, Mayor Bloomberg Sets His Sights on New York's Park Animals

On the heels of banning most bake sales in New York City's public schools, Mayor Bloomberg is taking his fight against urban obesity to a new, and some say, bizarre level. The Mayor's office just announced that the next target in the war against sugars and trans fats is the City's abundant park animal life.

"The animals living in New York City's parks, the squirrels, birds, raccoons, etc., have an open invitation to the biggest buffet in the world," the Mayor said at a press briefing."But, as many of us who live here can attest, they are also among the fattest and laziest."

The program is still in development, but it will include an anti-littering campaign, increased street trash pick-ups, and a calorie-labeling program based on the initiative launched last year for New York's human residents.

Bloomberg's opponent in the mayoral race, Bill Thompson, wasted no time pouncing on the controversial new program.

"This is preposterous," Thompson said. "These animals can't read, and even if they could read they would be reading below their grade level due to the mayor's mishandling of the school system. It's just another example of the Mayor picking on the 'little guy.' I promise to represent all of New York City--including fat, uneducated squirrels."

[This story is satire, and should not in any way be taken as fact]

October 2, 2009

Here's the Whole Rotten Story. Happy Anniversary, Mike.


October 1, 2009

Bloomberg's Net Worth has Tripled Since the 2005 Election. Who Wouldn't Lie and Cheat to Keep a Job Like That?

Forbes released their 2009 list of the 400 Richest Americans, and Mayor Bloomberg finds himself at #7 with a net worth of 17.5 billion dollars. Now I don't begrudge Bloomberg one penny of his fortune. I do, however, resent him for lying to the people of New York when he said that the economic crisis was the reason for pressuring the city council to extend a third term. The real reason was that Bloomberg found a real money maker in being Mayor of New York, and the only economic crisis he cares about is the one affecting his own portfolio.

According to Forbes, here is Bloomberg's net worth since running for mayor in 2001:

2009 - $17.5B
2008 - $20.0B
2007 - $11.5B
2006 - $5.3B
2005 - $5.1B
2004 - $5.0B
2003 - $4.9B
2002 - $4.8B
2001 - $4.0B

September 25, 2009

Bloomberg Can't Take Helicopter to See U2 in Concert. Has to Take Car to Get Bono's Endorsement. Why Should We Give a Rat's Ass?

It is estimated that the average man speaks 2,000 words a day; a finite number that diminishes as we get older. Wrap your head around the eighteen inane words that Stu Loeser, Mayor Bloomberg's spokesman, wasted today:

"Like 80,000 other people, Mayor Bloomberg went to the U2 concert tonight - but he did not fly there."

You'll never get those back, Stu.

I guess this illustrates that when our regular-guy billionaire mayor's helicopter pilot screws the pooch on the way to get an Irish rock star's endorsement at a concert in New Jersey, and forces the mayor to take his luxury SUV with a police escort, that this humanizes the mayor and makes him seem just like us.

And Bono. Hugo Chavez may be a philanthropist, but he is still a despot. If you care to take a peak out of your helicopter for a minute or two we could give you the real story on the benevolent despot you pandered to last night.

September 17, 2009

Bloomberg Campaign Ads Take Over Politicker NY; Looks Like Azi Paybarah Isn't a Disgrace Anymore

In discussing the effects of term limits on the recent primary results, Mayor Bloomberg cited an article from Azi Paybarah weighing term limits vs local issues as factors in the races of defeated city council members:

“In every case there was a real local issue. I think Azi wrote about that today. But I think that’s fair. Tip O’Neill said all politics is local. And these things where we say, ‘Oh, it’s the mood of the country, I’m not going to vote for that party and that sort of thing.’ History shows you vote for the person.”

Now just a few months ago Bloomberg called Azi a disgrace just for asking a question about term limits. Now he's his source for post-primary term limits analysis? And that's when I saw the big, square banner ad on for "MIKE BLOOMBERG NYC," and another below it, and it started to make sense. You can't click on a page on the site without two Bloomberg campaign ads prominently displayed.

I'm guessing the Bloomberg campaign has these spots reserved on the Politicker NY home page until November, which must make him one of their biggest advertisers, and that makes them less credible and another in a long line of those who were bought off by Mike Bloomberg's millions. At this rate Azi could end up being Bloomberg's press secretary by the time the third term starts.

September 16, 2009

When did the People of New York City Become a Bottom?

They got away with it, and suffered minimal damage. Phase I of Operation: Cut the Heart Out of NYC is complete. 29 City Council Members voted to extend term limits, and here's the breakdown on those races (as of 9/16):

20 Won (8 ran unopposed)
4 Lost (and probably would have lost without the term limits issue)
3 are still undecided
1 Runoff in the Comptroller's race
1 Indicted

If these results represent the wrath of the voters, New Yorkers will have to become Dawn of the Dead zombies to beat Bloomberg in November.

M.del Carmen Arroyo (17-Bronx) Won (No Opponent)
Maria Baez (14-Bronx)
Leroy Comrie (27-Queens) Won
Inez Dickens (9-Manhattan) Won
Erik Martin Dilan (37-Brooklyn) Won (No Opponent)
Simcha Felder (44-Brooklyn) Won (No Opponent)
Lewis Fidler (46-Brooklyn) Won (No Opponent)
Helen Foster (16-Bronx) Won
Alan Gerson (1-Manhattan) Lost
Sara Gonzalez (38-Brooklyn) Won
Robert Jackson (7-Manhattan) Won
Melinda Katz (29-Queens) Lost (Comptroller)
G. Oliver Koppell (11-Bronx) Won
Miguel Martinez (10-Manhattan) Indicted
Darlene Mealy (41-Brooklyn)
Michael Nelson (48-Brooklyn) Won
Christine Quinn (3-Manhattan) Won
Domenic Recchia (47-Brooklyn) Won (No Opponent)
Diana Reyna (34-Brooklyn) Won
Joel Rivera (15-Bronx) Won (No Opponent)
James Sanders (31-Queens) Won
Larry Seabrook (12-Bronx) Won
Helen Sears (25-Queens) Lost
Kendall Stewart (45-Brooklyn) Lost
James Vacca (13-Bronx) Won (No Opponent)
Al Vann (36-Brooklyn) Won
Peter Vallone, Jr (22-Queens) Won (No Opponent)
Thomas White (28-Queens)
David Yassky (33-Brooklyn) Runoff (Comptroller)

September 8, 2009

The Must-See Film this Election Season: "The Promise of New York"

September 11 & 12, 2009 at DIXON PLACE
161A Chrystie Street, New York, NY

A blogger turned stand-up comic, an obsessive political gadfly and a high-school math teacher compete against each other and arch rival incumbent Michael Bloomberg for the post of New York City mayor. As these ordinary citizens take politics into their own hands, The Promise of New York explores the meaning of democracy and the identity of a city with hilarious irreverence and thought-provoking sensitivity.

August 21, 2009

Bloomberg Expands One-Way Tickets for Homeless Program to Include Big Pharma Execs

Mayor Bloomberg, fresh off suggesting that the government be less aggressive in going after the big pharmaceutical companies and their executives because they "don't make a lot of money," has decided to take his point even further. It has just been announced that the program that gives one-way tickets to homeless families so they can start over elsewhere will now be offered to pharmaceutical executives as well. Despite multi-million dollar salaries, many of these executives are struggling living here, and the City is also starting to feel the effect.

"After looking into it I realized that the subsidy cost for housing these underpaid executives in New York is enormous," Bloomberg noted, "Between the deals with developers and construction companies, and tax breaks and the lot, the cost to the New York is substantial. This gives these people a chance to start over elsewhere, and opens up this housing for the people who can really afford it."

According to city data, eleven pharmaceutical execs have taken advantage of the program so far, with all except one choosing Palm Beach as their destination. Watchdog groups point out that expanding the program to include these execs will actually cost the City as they expect all of these execs to return after a long weekend.

[This story is satire, and should not in any way be taken as fact]

August 11, 2009

Bloomberg's First Tweet (after thirty attempts, $2M, and a team of consultants lead by a Jewish haiku expert)

NY Magazine reported that Mayor Bloomberg launched his inaugural tweet today, but what wasn't mentioned was the amount of editing and censoring that went on behind the scenes to get it right. The first tweet was posted after more than thirty attempts, and was so disruptive and chaotic that a task force has been established to edit and control the mayor's messages.

"We all agreed on the three-sentence tweet," said a campaign spokesperson. "It gets the message out there without appearing to pander. The mayor liked it so much we couldn't stop him once he got started. He really found his voice."

The campaign also brought in the renowned Jewish haiku expert, Shorat Forom, the inventor of "tveeting," to help the mayor master his message. Conservative estimates put the price of the mayor's first tweet at over $2M.

Much to the chagrin of the Bloomberg campaign, several of the mayor's first attempts to tweet were made public:

"Diana never has to strain to see who's in a room when we go out. I'm on tip pee toes craning my neck to see the scene. Not always, but sometimes it bothers me."

"My thumbs hurts from all of this technology. Though my hands look good for someone my age. And I don't even work at it other than manicures."

"Maybe a fourth term would be good for the people. Then they would be less upset over the third one. Even though I haven't the faintest idea why people won't just put it behind them."

[This story is satire, and should not in any way be taken as fact]


August 1, 2009

Mayor Bloomberg Says NO to a Fourth Term, Maybe to a Fifth, No to a Sixth

In a press conference earlier this week, and on his radio address earlier today, Mayor Bloomberg emphatically stated he would not seek a fourth term in office. However, when pressed on a fifth or sixth term, the Mayor surprised even his closest aides when he left himself some room to maneuver.

"By the time a potential run for a fifth term came around, I'd be 75," the Mayor said when asked about his plans beyond his presumed third term, "And I imagine I would be a little bored with my retirement and philanthropic endeavors, so it could be nice pick-me up for my later years."

The Mayor was noncommittal on a six term, but became testy when asked about his plans beyond that. "I will not run for a seventh term. It will not happen," he barked when pressed on the issue, "Can I make it any clearer for you?"

[This story is satire, and should not in any way be taken as fact]


July 28, 2009

As Usual, Money Fuels Council Incumbency

According to the NYC Campaign Finance Board, as of July 27, the 43 incumbent council members running for reelection have significantly out raised their nearest primary opponent by a margin of more than three to one ($3.8M to $1.55M). The average raised for an incumbent is $88,549. The average for the nearest challenger is $26,877.

There is even greater disparity between the contribution totals of the top twenty council members, sixteen of whom voted to extend term limits and are running for a third term ($2.9M to $600K). The average raised for a top twenty incumbent is $146,867. The average for the nearest challenger is $31,184. That's a margin of almost five to one.

And Bloomberg has out raised Thompson by a margin of almost ten to one ($36.6M to $3.8M). The Campaign Finance Board says on their site that their "program amplifies the impact of New Yorkers’ small contributions by matching them with public funds, reducing the possibility and the perception of corruption associated with large contributions and unlimited campaign spending."

Matching contributions with public funds does not cut it. No amount of reform and regulation will ever make it a fair fight in New York City. This is why the people voted twice for term limits, and why a new ironclad, intractable term limit law must be enacted.

Here is a breakdown of the top twenty council members by their contribution total, as well as the contribution total of their nearest primary challenger:

Incumbent Contributions Challenger Contributions
Garodnick (D) $471,269 Ashok Chandra $24,861
Lappin (D) 320,971 Stephen Kaufman 110
*Vacca (D) 293,495 None 0
*Arroyo 206,088 None 0
*Felder (D) 185,660 None 0
*Comrie (D,WF) 163,315 Clyde Vanel 28,330
Gentile 157,392 Robert Capano 11,900
*Quinn (D) 148,216 Yetta Kurland 78,660
*Sears (D) 128,493 David Dromm 103,958
*Koppell (D) 115,388 Tony Cassino 101,440
*Vallone Jr (D) 99,730 Lynne Serpe 9,414
*Dickens (D) 97,505 Landon Dais 7,235
*Gonzalez (D) 87,231 Robinson Iglesis 6,264
*Fidler (D) 78,602 Ayo Johnson 8,632
Mitchell (D) 72,435 Deborah Rose 27,567
*Jackson (D) 67,092 Miguel Lantigua 18,976
*White (D) 66,915 Lynn Nunes 32,041
*Reyna (D) 63,389 Maritza Davila 80,430
*Sanders Jr. (D) 58,800 Michael Duncan 32422
*Stewart (D) 55,345 Jumaane Williams 51,448

* indicates a candidate who voted to extend term limits

Embarrassing New Video has Bloomberg Campaign on the Defensive

In what has already been a bad week for the Bloomberg campaign comes the leak of an embarrassing video showing the Mayor's reaction while watching the public term limits hearings before the city council in October, 2008. In particular, it is Bloomberg's reaction to then fourteen-year-old Rachel Trachtenburg's speech before the council on October 16 that is giving the campaign fits.

Inadvertently filmed in his office while watching the hearings, it is clear that, unlike most members in the chamber, Bloomberg was not swayed or impressed by Rachel's speech. An internal investigation within the Bloomberg campaign is underway to find the source of the video, and rumors have started that footage also exists of the mayor holding his nose while eating a Gray's Papaya hot dog.

[This story is satire, and should not in any way be taken as fact]


July 25, 2009

You Learn for Four Years. Your Do for Four Years. You Clean Out Your Desk for Four Years.

Of the 36 commissioners listed on New York City’s official website as key members of the Bloomberg administration, 19 have served in that capacity since his first term started almost eight years ago, including the commissioners of the Police, Fire, Corrections, and Sanitation departments. Most of the deputy mayors and top administration officials have also been with Bloomberg in some capacity since the beginning of his first term. If the past eight years are any indicator, and considering how essential these people are to the Mayor’s essentialness, not many key members of the administration are going to stray very far if Bloomberg is reelected.

Here were Bloomberg's thoughts on term length for city government officials back in the halcyon days of 2002 when reelection was seven years off:

"There’s no organization that I know that would put somebody in charge for a long period of time. You always want turnover and change. Eight years is great. You learn for four years. You can do for four years."

Except all the people who work for him. And the city council. Even though they already did for eight years. But they weren’t good enough. Or they were so good we can't live without them even though if they were that good we wouldn't need them because things wouldn’t be so bad in the first place.

Mayor Bloomberg is standing in the paths of scores of hopeful activists and civil servants. Potential candidates--mayoral, council, assembly, senate, and down the line--have already adjusted their plans because Bloomberg threw his money and power at his obstacles, and put the girth of NYC incumbency in their way. In addition, if Bloomberg wins in November hundreds upon hundreds of City employees who were ready move up, and those ready to move behind them, will have been bloomberged just like everyone else. Bloomberg has already altered a generation of potential service to New York City. If he wins in November, the damage could be irreperable.

Click here to see the length of service for all the NYC commissioners.

July 21, 2009

Only the Richest Person in NYC Would Think $1.2M Doesn't Buy a Minor Party Endorsement

Daily News reporter Adam Lisberg got bloomberged on Monday when the Mayor, displaying his unique blend of incredulity and petulance, responded to a question about the legitimacy of the Independence Party's endorsement in light of major contributions Bloomberg made to the party. Here's the exchange:

In February, 2009, Spin Cycle reported on Bloomberg's contributions to the Independence Party, and the watergatey way the contributions were entered into a "housekeeping" account." According to filings with the NYS Board of Elections, here are the total annual contributions into that account since 2001:

2001 - $27,085
2002 - $44,975
2003 - $28,200
2004 - $27,010
2005 - $71,317
2006 - $71,771
2007 - $21,250
2008 - $220,500 (Bloomberg foreplay begins)
2009 - $1,267,450 (Bloomberg Penetration)

And Bloomberg's money had no influence on the endorsement? For $1.2M, the Independence Party would endorse a schnauzer.

July 20, 2009

Mayor Bloomberg Gives “Goose” Gossage the Scare of His Life

Hall of Fame pitcher Rich “Goose” Gossage got more than he bargained for when he showed up at Yankee Stadium for Old Timer’s Day. Gossage, a hero from the 1970’s Yankee teams, barely escaped being the city’s latest casualty in Mayor Bloomberg’s plan to kill geese at LaGuardia and Kennedy airports. Bloomberg, upon hearing that “Goose” was in the stadium, summoned the city’s elite Geese Eradication Team (GET), and that was when chaos ensued.

“I’m laughing and joking with Don Zimmer in the outfield,” recalled Gossage after the ordeal, “And next thing I know I got a SWAT team with nets and tranquilizer guns coming after me.” Gossage was able to flee into the Yankee dugout, and stayed there until his safety was assured.

Never known for his foot speed, Gossage impressed many onlookers as he ran into the dugout. Zimmer said that he looked “kind of like a flailing quail,” but that he made it from left field to the dugout in record time. Reggie Jackson remarked that he didn’t think this was the first time Gossage had been chased by uniformed men with nets and tranquilizer guns.

Though apologetic, Mayor Bloomberg chose to highlight the positives from an embarrassing incident. “We almost cooked the wrong goose today, but our team was fully operational and at the stadium within seven minutes of receiving my command.”

[This story is satire, and should not in any way be taken as fact]


July 16, 2009

Bloomberg Campaign to Use SUMP to Control Message

Always searching for inventive methods to control Mayor Bloomberg's re-election message, campaign sources have announced the creation of a new initiative: Strategic Use of Mottoes and Phrases, or SUMP. The plan is to replace words or phrases that the campaign sees as harmful to their message with more Bloomberg-friendly verbiage.

SUMP’s first challenge will be to control the negativity associated with the Mayor’s role in extending term limits for himself and the city council. Effective Monday, the campaign requests that any mention of the phrase term limits be replaced with the phrase people power.

"Use the words term limits and most voters have a negative reaction," said Howard Wolfson, a senior Bloomberg strategist, "But tell a voter that Mayor Bloomberg fought to extend people power, and that turns them around immediately. I’ve never seen anything like it" Wolfson said that plans are already in development to find substitutes for the phrases republican candidate, job loss, and slush fund.

In related news, the New York City press corps announced that when referring to Howard Wolfson, they would be replacing senior Bloomberg strategist with lying sack of crap.

[This story is satire, and should not in any way be taken as fact]

July 13, 2009

Bloomberg Campaign is Like Cialis for Wolfson

The New York Times ran a piece last week on Howard Wolfson, the Democratic strategist who jumped parties to join Mayor Bloomberg’s re-election campaign, and they painted a sad picture. Just a few years ago, Wolfson worked for Bloomberg’s adversary and was his harshest critic. Now he is with the Mayor, and his justifications for making the switch are tepid and self-serving. Wolfson says he "is not interested in losing." Still smarting from the presidential primary loss with Hillary Clinton, he is using the Bloomberg campaign like a Cialis to get his confidence back.

I have some inside information for you, Howard. No one gives a rat's ass what interests you. Does loyalty interest you? Or scruples? If Bloomberg loses in November, and judging from recent events he very well might, Wolfson will need to slink back to Washington and look for another stolen election to get you back on track (Venezuela? Russia? Iran?).

Hardcore political strategists are only palatable when they align with one party; it gives them the sense of entitlement and nobility they need to slog through the mud and collect their $40,000 per month paychecks. When a lifelong member of a party switches, they become simple, crass mercenaries; their words ring hollow and their actions become ineffective. Wolfson is emblematic of the Bloomberg campaign as a whole; a repository of lost political souls who sold themselves out for power.

This is how it breaks down, Howard. You made a deal with the Bloomberg. You betrayed your party. You have insulted the people of New York City. You are a disgrace, Howard Wolfson.

July 10, 2009

Bloomberg Campaign: What $36 Million Could Have Bought

1 - Deluxe 18" mylar balloon for each New Yorker (as a way of apologizing for messing with their government);
75 - New playgrounds;
2 - Special elections to put term limits referendums before the people;
1,168 - Years of rent for an average one-bedroom apartment in New York City;
24, 161,073 - Wham-O Super Balls;
600 - City jobs that are due to be cut;
1/2 - The amount of the pay raises doled out to Bloomberg's top managers.

July 2, 2009

Queens Senior Center Receives a Ton of Pork...Literally

What was supposed to be a financial windfall for a small senior center in Queens has now become a giant headache for the staff and members. Last week, 4,000 lbs. of ground pork was delivered to the Sunnyvale Senior Center instead of the $4000 the center was supposed to receive as part of Councilman Leroy Comrie's discretionary funding allocation from the New York City Council.

In what is being chalked up to a clerical error, someone in Comrie's office changed the "$" sign to a "lb." sign, and now the seniors are sitting on a mountain of ground meat.

"I guess there was so much talk of "pork" during the funding process that a new staff member took it literally," said Janet Rucker, Sunnyvale's Director. "We've had to store it in refrigerators all over Queens. And not only aren't we getting out new rec room and treadmill, but I had to deal with some angry seniors and a truck load of meat."

While Comrie's office admitted to the mistake, a spokesperson said that they preferred to focus on the health benefits of the "other white meat." Though most of the errors have been corrected, a youth-service-group in St. Albans will have to make due with 2,750 hot dogs instead of new athletic equipment.

[This story is satire, and should not in any way be taken as fact]

June 28, 2009

Bloomberg Campaign Mailings are Cutting a Swath through Forests

At a time when he is trying to shore up support among environmental groups, Mayor Bloomberg is coming under fire for the devastation his campaign mailers are causing to the eco-system. With still four months until the election, the deforestation caused by Bloomberg 2009 printed materials is already being felt across the globe.

“We are justifiably concerned about the possible impact of a close election,” said Scott Kaufman, Director of the Center for Environmental Politics and Policy. “Sections of our planet could be permanently altered if this contest comes down to the wire.”

Experts are not only citing the sheer volume and frequency of the Bloomberg mailers, but also the weight of each piece. Kaufman noted that the thickness of Bloomberg’s Public School Progress Report campaign pamphlet was “somewhere between a college graduation program and a high-end wedding invitation.”

Regardless of the impact to the environment, it is clear that the mailers will continue. Despite denials from a campaign spokesperson, rumors persist that each voter may receive a life-size cutout of Bloomberg delivered to their home.

[This story is satire, and should not in any way be taken as fact]

June 25, 2009

Bloomberg Will Only Get Squirrelier

Daniel Menaker takes on our "Mayor-for-Life" in a great piece in today's Huffington Post. He has also noticed that Bloomberg seems to be gradually losing it, and ties it back to term limits extension:
The conflict the Mayor evidently feels about his term-limits disdain came through most clearly in that Times piece about the rancorous press conference a couple of weeks ago. "I am who I am." First person singular. Later: "Most people seem to like the Mayor." Third person singular--as if, like Dick Nixon with "You won't have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore," Bloomberg was having a verbally schizoid break. And "You can't separate the campaign from what you do as Mayor." Second person singular. And, finally, "We will live with that." First person plural.
In my experience, when a public figure begins to confound and conflate all these persons and singulars and plurals, especially when speaking spontaneously, it's a sign of significant psychological conflict. I think the Mayor is, perhaps unconsciously, unhappy with the scheming he did to allow himself to run for a third term. I think his rigor and scruples on the golf course may be an effort to compensate for his fastness and looseness elsewhere.

Bloomberg rarely, if ever, loses. Not only is he going to lose in November, but there will be some special schadenfreude moments to savor as he unravels.

June 24, 2009

Right Out of the Bush Playbook

Bloomberg's rationale for asking the council to extend term limits was the economy, but he was meeting with the the big three NYC publishers to get them on the term limits train months before Lehman Brothers declared bankruptcy. Once the economy started tanking, he pounced and exaggerated the risks; stoking the fires already being whipped by the media. This is from a speech he delivered in London in the weeks leading up to the NYC Council's term limits vote:

“Back in America, we’ve heard a lot of comparisons to the Great Depression – and that’s natural, because none of us have ever experienced such a massive breakdown of confidence in the financial system. I certainly hope that the analogy will prove grossly overstated, but regardless, I’m not sure that it provides much in the way of guidance for what should come next. The better analogy to make – at least in terms of how we should be thinking about our next steps – might be to a terrible crisis that is far more recent: The attacks of September 11th."

Next, he made the rounds with the City's power brokers, and the City Council, to dole out favors, promises and pork. Let's see. Manipulate the press. Scare the bejeezits out of the public. And use your position and influence to steamroll over anyone who gets in your way. Sounds like Bush/Rove to me, and look what happened to them.

June 1, 2009

Brief History of New York City Term Limits


In 1993 and 1996, New York City residents, fed up with the power of incumbency in their politics, voted to restrict local elected officials to two terms in office
Since becoming Mayor in 2001, Michael Bloomberg has opposed or vetoed any measure that would alter term limits.

In June 2007, Bloomberg left the Republican Party, and tested the waters for a presidential run (a lifelong Democrat, he switched to the Republican Party to run for Mayor). In November of the same year, he weighed his options for a run for Governor.

By the early fall of 2008, Bloomberg decided he wanted to run for a third term, and had all the pieces in place to have the City Council extend the NYC term limits law. He had backing from the publishers of the three major newspapers. Christine Quinn, the President of the New York City Council, who just months earlier had said that she would “oppose aggressively any attempt by anyone to make any changes in the term limits law." Billionaire Ronald Lauder, the sponsor of 1993 and 1996 term limits referendums, who was promised a spot on a new term-limits commission in 2010. Even Governor David Patterson, who wasn’t particularly looking forward to facing Bloomberg in the 2010 gubernatorial election, chimed in with his support. All of this was done behind closed doors.

In October 2008, citing the current economic crisis, and with comparisons to 9/11, Bloomberg had a bill sent to the City Council seeking to change the term-limits law from two to three terms for the next election. He rejected holding another referendum before the election as too distracting in this time of crisis, and too costly and confusing to the voters.

He had no problem garnering the support he needed in the City Council since two thirds of the members were due to be term-limited out in the next election. On October, 23, 2008, term limits in NYC were extended by a vote of 29-22.

Mayor Bloomberg plans to spend as much as $100M to get re-elected.


No Limits for Mike NY Post 060508

Term Limits Stay 8 Years As Extension Is Rejected NY Times 110696

New Yorkers Approve Limit of 2 Terms for City Officials NY Times 110393

We Can Stop the Cabal

Can you believe this guy? Watch the video where he calls Azi Paybarah a disgrace. Bloomberg, looking down on us, the angry, condescending, patrician. He reminded me of John McCain as he started losing his soul during the last presidential election. I now believe that Mayor Michael Bloomberg can be defeated in November, and I didn't feel that way when he wrested the city from the people last October. And whether Bloomberg is an indispensable mayor, or a major philanthropist, is not the issue. And whether or not there are term limits in New York City is not the issue. I've always been on the fence about them, though Bloomberg has convinced me that they are necessary, at least here. The issue is that a cabal is five months away from taking our city for at least a generation.

This is our city. So watch this site as it builds. Let me know if you have any ideas or suggestions. I'm not a blogger, and I really don't know what I'm doing. I’m typically cynical and apathetic, but I have a few ideas and a thesaurus, and if Bloomberg is re-elected in November it won't be because I didn't do everything in my power to stop it.
You're a Disgrace, Mayor Bloomberg