October 4, 2009

Not Satisfied with Curbing Obesity in the City's Human Population, Mayor Bloomberg Sets His Sights on New York's Park Animals

On the heels of banning most bake sales in New York City's public schools, Mayor Bloomberg is taking his fight against urban obesity to a new, and some say, bizarre level. The Mayor's office just announced that the next target in the war against sugars and trans fats is the City's abundant park animal life.

"The animals living in New York City's parks, the squirrels, birds, raccoons, etc., have an open invitation to the biggest buffet in the world," the Mayor said at a press briefing."But, as many of us who live here can attest, they are also among the fattest and laziest."

The program is still in development, but it will include an anti-littering campaign, increased street trash pick-ups, and a calorie-labeling program based on the initiative launched last year for New York's human residents.

Bloomberg's opponent in the mayoral race, Bill Thompson, wasted no time pouncing on the controversial new program.

"This is preposterous," Thompson said. "These animals can't read, and even if they could read they would be reading below their grade level due to the mayor's mishandling of the school system. It's just another example of the Mayor picking on the 'little guy.' I promise to represent all of New York City--including fat, uneducated squirrels."

[This story is satire, and should not in any way be taken as fact]
Newer Post Older Post You're a Disgrace, Mayor Bloomberg